Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize