he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize