Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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