I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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