That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
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i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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