and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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