We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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