my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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