I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize