sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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