There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize