I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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