he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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