You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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