are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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