I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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