i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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