Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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