Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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