thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Please don't give away my fajitas
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize