Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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