After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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