sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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