watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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