something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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