all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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