It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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