I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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