so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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