Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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