Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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