My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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