Need sex. Gaining weight.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
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I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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