So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
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Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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