I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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