maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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