I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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