So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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