I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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