omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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