you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize