dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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