Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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