i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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