We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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