Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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