I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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