and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ttyl tear gas
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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