nut hugger
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize