The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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